I am currently seeing a guy, for just over a month currently (we just recently slept with each other), and he’s been really disclosing about what he’s looking for. He’s also very up front with his recent relationships, what he won’testosterone tolerate in relationships, and so forth and so forth. Charles is a Type Your guy, successful businessman who demands a lot of things from the individuals around him. He does require any crap from folks, and is bluntly truthful. We’re also very honest throughout your courtship, any questions he’s got, I’ll resolution. I’m not one to pry ordinarily, and perhaps that is to this detriment a little bit. I have been called complicated, and been told by this gentleman that he does not know fairly where he stands beside me. We know a decent amount about all of our past relationships, my past engagements (yes, “s”, as in 2), along with our recent dating track record. He is very affectionate, even front of his roommates/friends, presents me to new folks if we run into them, takes me on dates, ordinarily calls every night, but is definitely insanely busy overall.
In all of his or her honesty, Charles seems to be almost examining me, and seeing just what my reaction will be to certain matters. Here are a few examples: sharing regarding his exes (I realize there’s a cause they are exes, that’s not the concern), talking about past sex experiences (again, not a jealousy difficulty), letting me know that he / she doesn’t find it “appropriate” to continue talking to someone you previously dated, whenever he’s involved with someone, and that he will not tolerate anyone who does indeed that. He also is going to lets me know if an individual from his past pops away, FB messages him, texts the pup, what they want, etc., makes jokes about our future “Sixty years down the road” (exact estimate), and asks me in case anyone from my past has contacted me a short while ago.
I have no issue being genuine, but I wonder if I’m getting set up! There are people, and of course more details that I might share, but I’m beginning to think him sharing in addition to letting me know that he will be expecting these things is the way of testing me. Is that this something that guys do? Is definitely Charles testing me with these things?
This is probably my confirmation bias as being a male dating coach which listens to women throughout the day, or as a man who seem to dated 300+ women, but this may seem a lot like the things that women do to test men. Together with, like you, I don’t like it just one bit.
It’s in the asking of your question that the person issuing a lot of these shit tests ultimately neglects.
No one wants to get hurt.
Marketing to waste his/her time.
Marketing to invest years of falling in love, only to find out that you’re eventually incompatible.
So what do people do? Small shit tests like this to gather information in advance.
In addition to what you wrote previously, I’ve heard all sorts of comparable tests:
- 1. So-where do you see yourself in five years? (To guarantee he wants marriage along with kids.)
2. So-how many people perhaps you have slept with? (To ensure he’s not an immoral slut.)
3. So-what kind of vehicle do you drive? (To ensure he has been successful and stylish.)
Four. So-have you ever cheated on anybody before? (To ensure he’s not very kind of guy.)
5. So-are anyone in touch with any of your exes? (To ensure he’s emotionally available.)
Understand, the ideas guiding these questions are actually rather reasonable. It’s in the requesting of the question that the person issuing these shit tests eventually fails.
His answer will tell you far more than I can.
Because if you’re requesting these questions, you’re only indicating that you’re afraid, inferior, and mistrustful that you can’t get information organically over time. Which is why a person resort to “interviewing” your date to see if he/she gives the “right” answers to the questions you have.
The problem is that it’s awkward. It makes a partner feel like a form of meat. He/she knows she’s being tested, and probably doesn’t love.
So I can’t speak to how other folks handle things, but being a direct communicator, I’d come out in addition to say it. “Hey, I’m having the sense that you’re “testing” me about issues of communication and fidelity. Do you want to tell me about challenges you’ve had in the past with women? Because questions feel a bit uneasy and inorganic to me.” And let him speak.
His remedy will tell you far more than I am able to.